Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
