Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize