oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
