Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize