70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
