as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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