nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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