Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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