Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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