I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
