Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope mine doesn't look like that
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
