Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The power of my boobs compel you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
