Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
