I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
