i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
