O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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