We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's always time for handjobs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
