I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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