I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
