at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
