I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
