His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
