i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is Oprah even human
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
