I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
