Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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