HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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