The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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