She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
