I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
