upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize