is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They are going to name an STD after you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
