You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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