his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
