..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
