The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
