I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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