is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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