As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
