There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
