He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
