I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what day is it and did you see me today?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
