he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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