It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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