Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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