4 words: hood of his car
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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