I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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