Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
