Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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