what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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