I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
