just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
