We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
