I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
