if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
