You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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