I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We left an ass print on the piano.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
