I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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