You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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