you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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