My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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