if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
