when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
