My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
