i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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