I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
