Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
