Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
