so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
