I will die if light touches me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize