Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
