Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
