he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize