hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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