As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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