Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
