Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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