And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
