my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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