you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
