You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
