I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
