Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize