Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
