I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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